It's silly, but I worry for her. She should've been a grandmother by now, with old-fashioned sensibilities, and all that, and I just... I worry. I wonder what would've otherwise been, I worry that she really is just too innocent, for as much as I managed to corrupt her in just one talk and one visit to a dance club. There's this disconnect that makes me think of her as somehow both a little sister and someone whose sensibilities I ought've looked after, somehow.
And yet, she's the one who stayed. Diane was in her early thirties, only, not so much older than me, really, and she seemed an open-minded sort. And yet she wasn't willing to try to fit in here. Can it really make that much difference? Enough for her to have to leave rather than try to start over? John, I understand, at least a little. He was older - not so old he wouldn't have lived another forty years if he'd chosen to, but I guess it's harder to start over when you've lived half your life a certain way and you've accomplished all the things you wanted. All that experience, it's not a blessing if you're just going to have to repeat it, I'd imagine. I was sad for him, and I guess a little sad for Diane, because the reports never changed, she never got home. Emma wonders about her sometimes, asks in her letters if there's any way for us to search the future for her, to see if she landed somewhere new and fantastic.
It's a nice thought, but if we've got anything like that, Jack's keeping it under lock and key.
And then I wonder about me. About what I'd do, if I were thrown into the future, or the past, or just somewhere alien. If 28's too old to start over, or too young to know what the hell I'm doing. I wonder if Emma's the lucky one who just happened to find a place and time she could fit in, if even five years forward or back would've made a difference.
I think Jack could probably tell me. Lord knows how old he must be, really. You know, I've never even thought to ask? It's one more thing to add to the list of questions I don't actually ever expect to get answered, I suppose.
Til then, I'll keep an eye on Emma as long as she'll tolerate it. I think she'll be okay, in the end.